This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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