We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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