You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize