He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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