did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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