Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
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Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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