the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
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he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
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I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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