I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
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craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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