I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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