Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So squirting runs in the family.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize