If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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