i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
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It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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