i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize