I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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