i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
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Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize