she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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