I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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