she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize