I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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