The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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