I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize