He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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