I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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