you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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