A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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