Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize