she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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