I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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