Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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