lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize