but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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