You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
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I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
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You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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