hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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