Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
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I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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