drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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