So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
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i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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