She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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