The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize