Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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