You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
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There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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