Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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