honey bunches of taint.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
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I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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