It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
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Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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