Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
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It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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