Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize