I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
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The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
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They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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