i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
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Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
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Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I love you.
Bad choice
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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