So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
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don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
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so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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