can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize