If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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